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Thursday, April 28, 2022
[New post] Where the Fuck have I been?
ktulu007 posted: " Lately, my content has been a little sparse. I went from posting thrice or four times a week to posting maybe once. So, I do want to apologise for that. As for why, the short answer is I've been struggling with my mental health lately. This is nothin"
Lately, my content has been a little sparse. I went from posting thrice or four times a week to posting maybe once. So, I do want to apologise for that. As for why, the short answer is I've been struggling with my mental health lately.
This is nothing new. I've had problems with anxiety and depression since I was in secondary school . At best, these issues have led to a lack of motivation and difficulty doing basically anything besides playing games and watching telly. At worst, I've had suicidal thoughts and even some attempts that have left me scarred in more ways than one.
For a while, I had my issues largely under control. I felt pretty good, had some close friends I could confide in and I was doing my routine balancing work with my recreational writing/ reviewing. But that, unfortunately, changed after a while of being in a Pandemic.
You might think that the whole situation wouldn't affect me that much. My job can be done from home. All my hobbies are inside activities that don't have to involve other people. Which is kind of a fair point. However, the increased stress from the whole situation, not being able to see my friends regularly, losing some people as a result of the virus and my beloved black lab mix passing away from age-related issues all took a toll on me which greatly exacerbated my mental health issues.
RIP EJ Fuzzlebottom Esquire
After a while, I started spiraling into a pretty deep depression and it drastically effected both my creativity and motivation to write until I couldn't bring myself to sit down and actually do it. It's been a struggle to talk to other people about it especially since I grew up in a time where talking about your mental health was a lot more taboo. It's also been troublesome to overcome the self-loathing that comes from feeling like a failure because I'm not actually accomplishing anything even though there's a rational part of my brain that says "it's not your fault, Ktulu, you're just having a rough time."
For the past month, I've been taking some time, talking to people, getting the medication I needed and slowly been crawling back to a point where I can sit down and write again. I can't promise that I'll be able to post stories and reviews every single week with no issue and basically on schedule, but I have gotten to a point where I think I can mostly manage it. So, once again you have my apologies for the lack of posts lately. I also want to thank those of you who stuck around and still read my output after everything. I am back and, hopefully, updates will keep coming out consistently for a long time to come. I'm going to try and get back into the routine of two story updates and one review a week with a bonus review every month first and then start going back to doing short stories here and there and finish editing the Last Draconian for publication when I'm feeling back to normal.
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