It's the holiday season, and often we're inclined to be more generous this time of year. We give gifts to express our love and gratitude to those we care about and those we do business with. We even give to perfect strangers.
It's a great feeling to be on the receiving end of generosity, but we all know that it's a greater feeling when we give. Generosity is the first sign of wealth, regardless of one's net worth.
The trick is: how do we give most effectively? And by 'effectively' I mean how do we make the most of our giving so that it benefits us, the receiver, and society in general in the most productive and enduring way possible?
I have some ideas...
First of all, let's accept that there's no substitute for random acts of kindness. If you see somebody in need and you spontaneously give them assistance, food, shelter, clothing, or cash, good for you. We can't know if they'll use what they're given wisely, or if it will change their circumstances at all. It will simply get them from this point in time to some point in the future without suffering as much.
But we can't adopt this strategy over the long haul. It's too willy-nilly and probably not helpful. Case in point: I've seen people here in Paris who've been sitting on the same street corner, begging for money since I arrived in the city in 2017. I don't know their situation, and I won't judge them, but I'm not giving them money every week. Sorry.
Second, we can't have expectations when we give. We must give freely. This reality was a hard one for me to accept. My experience has been that people may accept your gift and then squander it, regardless of what good intentions they might have initially. It can be difficult not to be angry and resentful, but I had to own up to the possibility of being partially responsible for the failure.
You see, when giving isn't helpful, it may be that we've been generous in the wrong way, with the wrong type of assistance, given at the wrong time. This is why many people simply donate to established charities who are experienced and skilled at the art and science of philanthropy. Limited donation, reliable charity, predictable impact, documented tax deduction, done and dusted.
But back to my previous point...when we give, we have to let go. We have to give with an open heart, no strings attached, and only the best wishes for the recipient. If the gift is not appreciated or used properly, we have to realize that we've made a deposit into our Bank of Karma account: we were generous. That's really what matters. Our blessings will come later, and bigger, if we have given from a place of love and not expectation. This is, I have learned, inevitable.
If we can pivot to that Bank of Karma perspective and stay there, we can rise above the desire to give...and then want to control outcomes or behaviors. The very definition of giving to to have something leave your control. This is how 'giving' differs from 'doing someone a favor'...a favor that you may want to have reciprocated at some point in the future. One is joyful and full of optimism. The other is barter, and tinged with calculation.
So this holiday season, feel free to give in your own unique, personal, but fully aware way. Aware of what you're giving and to whom. Aware of why you're giving. And aware that there's a sweet spot in true giving...and that's when it warms your heart.
Happy Holidays, everybody. Be safe. Stay well. Thank you for a great 2022.
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