This review may contain spoilers.
Boardinghouse is a 1983 Shot on video Supernatural horror film completed in 1982 and shot in 1981. It's also widely considered to be the first SOV film to have received "professional" distribution to the wider public. Though that title is somewhat hotly debated allegedly due to the strange way in which "Boarding house" was distributed. Y'see, with most motion pictures that came out in the "Home video" era, when their time in the cinema came to an end the production company would either put the film back on the shelf and leave it there forever, or take the film and transfer it to high grade video tape from which they would then strike home video copies for rental and consumer markets.
Boardinghouse ended up having the reverse done to it, the entire film was shot on video tape, but in order to get it into theatres, the distribution company "Blue star" took the master tape and instead telecine'd the footage (literally pointed a film camera at a flat screen high resolution CRT TV playing the movie) capturing it on to 35mm reels which could then be played in theatres. Which is the main reason it's "Debated" as being the first SOV movie professionally released as *technically* it wasn't distributed in the format it was made in, it was shot on video but sold on film. With some "SOV purists" citing 1983's "Sledgehammer" as being the first "True" SOV film as that movie from snout to tail was entirely released on tape. Personally? Given what a pain in the arse shooting on tape back then would have been, im happy to let Boarding House have a free pass. If it looks like an SOV film, sounds like an SOV film and had all the pain in the arse hurdles that SOV films had to conquer to get over the finish line. It's an SOV film.
The plot for Boarding House is, for the most part, absolutely incoherent. But I shall try my best to explain more or less what happens. Please do appreciate though that…this is a hot mess and that it's going to be hard to give you the usual blow by blow I try to do with these things. The film opens with a message from "Horror Vision'' who, in true William Castle style announce to the audience that the film they're about to see shouldn't be viewed by anyone with heart complications and that, throughout the film there will be special cues known as "Horror vision" that will signal appropriate moments to cover your eyes and plug your ears if you are easily scared, this includes a particular music sting and an awesome looking visual of a hand thats had a digital strobing rainbow effects dubbed onto it.
The film then begins proper, with computer visuals and narration informing us that we're about to hear the awful case of the "Hoffman House". We're then treated to police files dating back to the 18th of September 1972 and our narrator explains that on that date, nobel prize winning doctor Don Hoffman and his wife, both leading authorities in telekinesis and psychic abilities, were found mutilated at their home after briefly leaving their 16th wedding anniversary party. Later on the 26th of September of that same year, their child testified their account of the murder and by December 4th they were committed to a sanitarium. Between 1972 and 1976 the house had 2 occupants, both of whom died in mysterious circumstances. One by drowning and one by blood loss after their hand was mangled by the trash compactor. The mysterious deaths continued through the late 70s and early 80's until, in July 1982 a sole heir was located to take on the house.
We're then introduced to our killer for the movie, as two doctors from the sanitarium discuss the Hoffman case, mainly as the child is due up for release, but they're VERY hesitant to grant it. They head over to begin an evaluation, But before that can begin, a mysterious begloved figure draws one of the doctors into a store room and using telekinetik and hypnotic abilities, manages to get the doctor to strip naked, and hang herself. Another doctor rushes in to see whats going on and the mystery murderer uses their telekenesis to literally make the doctors guts explode out of his body, killing him brutally. Our murderer then escapes!
It's at this point we're finally introduced to James (sometimes known as Jim) a…im gonna guess, 40 something man. Who's staked a claim on the Hoffman house with a sole mission, to set up his version of the playboy mansion. Y'see, the house has 10 bedrooms and communal living, cooking and dining spaces alongside an outdoor pool with garden. It's a palace essentially. And James intends to fill the place with 20 something girls and NOTHING else. So; he starts advertising the "boarding house" as being a place for single ladies only. With prices starting at $100 a month in rent.
And, it'll come to no surprise that the place fills up pretty quickly, with plenty of women interested in living in a palace for, in modern terms, $326 a month. Now here's where it gets a bit messy, because the film introduces all 8 or 9 of the girls all at once with no real "defining" moment of introduction. They just rush out all the names in a minute or so and then expect you to remember them all. So for the bulk of this review, i'll mainly refer to them as "The girls" but the key players who I CAN name check are Rock performer soon to be superstar Victoria, quiet and somewhat withdraw Cindy, boisterous Sandy and the mysterious "Final girl" into the boarding house "Debbie" who arrives well after all the other girls have settled in. James unfortunately informs her that all the rooms have been taken, but when Debbie explains she's desperate, one of the girls suggests that the "kids room" which is currently being used as storage. James suggests it wouldn't really be suitable, but Debbie jumps at the offer and moves in asap.
Around the time that Debbie moves in, it's also established that James is attempting to learn the way of telekinesis in a frankly EYE melting scene in which he meditates in an office wearing nothing but a pair of budgie smugglers, pulling terrifying faces and making plants and boxes shudder…much like myself. It's here that the film enters its main drive, as our killer from the sanitarium somehow makes it back to the Hoffman house and begins…manipulating things to cause harm. This is first shown when one of the girls; Pam, climbs onto a countertop to get a bottle from a top shelf only to jump down and impale her hand through an icepick that the killer's mind controlled to point upright directly under her.
Sinister goings on strike again later when one of the girls accidentally cuts herself in the shower, which in turn causes the house to start bleeding and her face to morph into a melted monstrocity, but when another of the girls goes to check on her though, it looks like nothing's happened. We're also introduced around this time to a VERY strange looking gardener for the house who's friends with James who creeps the girls out. Anyway; rather quickly, we're introduced to Cindy, One of the girls who's recently run away from an abusive relationship, her partners not only an arsehole, but a stalker too, who hires a private detective to try and track her down. While this is going on the girls and James decide the best thing to do is throw a crazy house party to celebrate everyone moving in!
We're then more properly introduced to Victoria, who heads out to the airport to meet one of the co-founders of her band in order to discuss them playing at the house party and while that's going on a mystery man called Harris arrives at the house to chill by the pool, after some grilling by the girls he quickly pops inside to make a phone call where it's revealed he's the detective Cindy's ex partner hired. He confirms she's definitely here and gives him the address, phone number and directions. While leaving however, one of the girls catches his eye and she takes him back to her room for *bouncy bouncy* After they're finish up, Harris goes into the bathroom to clean up, but our mystery killer strikes again using their abilities to turn on a nearby hairdryer and drop it into the bath, killing Harris.
Some time passes again, and a B-plot forms when the girls overhear James listening to some freaky "Mind control" tapes. They get curious so they hatch a plan to send Victoria in to basically try and distract him, and while distracted swipe the tapes so they can get a better idea of what he's been listening to. While doing her thing, James introduces Victoria to the world of Telepathy by moving a bar of soap around the bath using only his mind. She's impressed, and after taking the tape back to the girls she decides to look into things herself.
What else happens…err…well! Theres a super spooky dream sequence thats quite well handled, Cindy's abusive ex partner turns up to take her away from the house and we learn he sexually assaulted her. Victoria goes to the library and takes out a load of books on telepathy and begins experimenting with…mixed results. And while taking a nap, Cindy nearly gets shot in the head by our killer. After this incident; James decides to take Cindy out to the beach to get away from the stress and while there they get into a little hypno molestation preamble leading to questionable *bouncy bouncy*, but while at the beach. Our mysterious killer strikes again! knocking James out with a rock and using their scanner powers to make Cindy bleed out of every socket she has, before walking her into the sea to drown herself.
And so! With a psychic killer (cest qua cest?) on the loose and the night of the house party imminently upon the boarding house, will the killer strike again!? Will Victoria develop and use her powers for more than just petty bullshit revenge on the girls she doesn't like? and…Will James get back into his budgie smugglers!? (GOD I hope not…) all this and more will be answered if you check out "Boarding House".
And the lingering thought that hung over me as the credits rolled on this was "Hmm…that felt like i've just seen half a movie" and dear viewer I can tell you that that's because the distributed release of "Boarding House" IS half a movie, i'm not exaggerating, the original cut for Boarding House came in at over 2 and a half hours. The distributors took one look at what can only be described as "The 'Apocalypse Now' of SOV cinema" and immediately shot back with "YOUR HAVING A LAUGH AINT YA!?" before lopping about an hour off the runtime and truncating any continuity issues with fades to and from black. It's not that this film "feels" inconsistent. This film IS inconsistent because just under half of it was thrown in the bin! And at some point im going to sit through that 2 and a half hour version (because it exists) and see if it actually makes ANY kind of a difference to the plot. If I succeed in my mission, there'll be an addendum at the end of this video.
What is left, from a script perspective, is borderline "delirious", that's the only word I can think of to describe what watching this feels like. It's woozy, incoherent and strangely compelling. In the same way that Barry J. Gillis's "Things" doesn't quite feel of this earth, "Boardinghouse" too almost feels like it was pulled from some alien dimension where it probably made more sense. The pacing is positively baffling as we fade from random happening to random happening with no idea of how much time has passed. Quite literally this is a film of "Happenings'' presented in a manner that feels like someone reconstructed "found footage" of a partially shot but incomplete horror movie that doesn't have a script or any guidance.
As such, the act structures absolutely shot. We get about 10 minutes of introducing our characters and the scenario, an hour and 10 minutes of titting about intercut with nudity, simulated sex and a 40 year old man wandering around in budgie smugglers, And then 18 minutes of wrap up where they have to hold a house party, Have the Telekinetik killer wreck up the place a bit, reveal who the telekinetic killer is and deal with them, WHILE making sure the band they're trying to secretly promo throughout this film gets enough screentime.
And that hour and 10 of titting about I referenced? Total. Filler. What I described to you earlier in terms of plot is just the key beats, except plenty of scenes of the girls lying around the pool talking bollocks, playing card games and talking bollocks, chilling in the living room talking bollocks. James talking absolute bollocks for an age and a half, and plenty of shots of the house with video effects superimposed onto it to make it look like ghostly figures are roaming around. That's the bulk of this movie. Just idle chatter interspersed with the odd shot of boobs or the occasional kill, which varies in quality greatly ranging from some magnificently gory deaths I can't show here, to stuff like Harris's death which was so brief I can't even recall if the movie picked up on the fact he died. like…It's less than 24 hours since I saw this movie and I ACTUALLY can't remember if anyone found Harris's body. It never gets brought up again so i'm assuming not!
And the dialogue! Bloody hell! If Ed Wood and Tommy Wiseau's writing had a baby, it'd be this movie. There's points here that are utterly inaudible. Sometimes it's due to poor audio recording, sometimes it's due to the cast mumbling their lines and It's fascinating really because, they've managed to capture perfectly that feeling of talking to someone who's drunk off their everloving tits and they're just rambling nonsense at you, but it feels like it should make sense because they're saying it so confidently…but when you ACTUALLY take on board what they're saying you go "Hang on…what on EARTH does that mean!?" that's this movie in a nutshell, non sequitur ramblings presented as clips pulled from a larger work.
That's not to say this incoherent dribble is unpleasant! I enjoyed feeling concussed as we hurtled through this ghost train ride of a movie! It may make absolutely NO sense and meander from scene to scene, but it's TRYING to entertain at least. It never comes across as having given up on itself…it's padded to bollocks, but it's entertaining padding (for the most part) and I didnt feel the need to clock watch at all which I see as an absolute win!
The script was Written and Directed by John Wintergate who also plays James in this film. He has 2 writing and directing credits. One for this film and one for a movie made in 1989 called "Sally and Jess" which, very kindly was also included on the Boarding house Bluray release I own from AGFA and Bleeding Skull. Which I'm frankly delighted about as it means I get to cover another John Wintergate movie in future! Other than that he hasn't done much else, which is a bit of a shame as I'd love to see him have another crack and film making!
On the direction front, I'm actually kind of impressed. Given that this was one of the first attempts at shooting a feature film on domestic tape AND given that this was the directors first attempt at making ANY kind of feature film with only shorts and a few professional gigs under his belt beforehand. This is a surprisingly competent production, it's not PERFECT by ANY sense! But I've seen studio productions that are less competent than this thing looks and feels, scenes are managed and structured quite solidly all with a clear level of distinction, there is NO mistaking this film having come from John Wintergate!.
Again; that's not to say it's perfect, some scenes feel VERY improvised, almost as if at some points they just went; "Hey we have 20 minutes free, I've just had an idea!" Given the portability of Video Cameras from that time (when compared to bulkier film ones) and given they could shoot and reshoot at will, I could absolutely believe they shot some stuff on the fly. While they were generally clearly following the conventional rules of filmmaking, it has to be acknowledged that this was a new frontier, and sometimes they really tried to capitalise on that freedom within the newfound medium.
I also have to say that direction of the cast is a bit of a mixed bag too. Some of it's wonderfully crafted for someone with almost no experience in the field, with clear thought put into what shot types would work best in a given scenario and where the cast should be placed within a scene and what their movements should be in order to get the best results. But then in the same breath we'll get some absolute dross, scenes where the cast placement is literally just them all standing in a line talking in a way that feels largely improvised. The pie fight scene was a good example of that as are the pools scenes. It's almost like the director just said "Right, so you're having a good time at the pool, GO!" which does kind of diminish things a bit.
On the cine front, it's decent! Like…"caught me off guard" level decent, Yes some of the computer effects are a bit dated by this point and there are some clear signs that the director was new to the field, but; for the most part, the compositions are all solid, there's a TON of experimentation due to how mobile the rig is, sequences are *mostly* constructed using a decent variety of shots and only rarely do we find scenes made up of 2-3 cuts with little else to show for it. There's a professional veneer to this thing and despite the handful of sequences which do let the cine down; where it performs well, it surpassed my expectations and really is one of the better examples of SOV film making that i've seen, which is ASTOUNDING when I reiterate that THIS WAS one of the first feature SOV movies to be made. This would be like Van Gough turning out starry night on his first go and In that sense, It's BEYOND impressive honestly.
Performance wise? Broadly speaking; its bad. But for 80s horror? It's passable. I can't surgarcoat it. John playing James and Kalassu playing Victoria are the best performers in this thing. I wouldn't go as far as to say they're naturalistic, but they do a somewhat amicably for most of the films runtime and kept me both entertained and engaged throughout. John struggles to do concerned or frightened acting all that well, but they both stand as just about passable.
The rest of the cast though? are some of the stiffest, poorly delivered, awkward and unintentionally hilarious performances you'll see put to tape. So much of it borders on parodying 80's slasher movies, a genre that wasn't even fully underway at the time this was shot! It's dry, lifeless, sometimes you can even see notes the cast have written so they don't forget their lines, everything sounds "read" rather than performed. It's awful and while in any other film I'd have been ripping into them for how bad it is; Here? Because of the woozy, disorienting vibe of the whole thing, I'm actually kind of into it, it just makes the whole thing feel even more unsettled and odd. Which made it work on a whole different level.
And finally! The soundtrack! Its not *too*bad!, part of it is rocky poppy style music produced by John and Kalassu's band of the time, which I think works rather well against the "Young girls hop around a palace for 90 minutes, goofing around by the pool in skimpy costumes" without it ending up too stocky or generic. It just about strikes the balance right. The other side to the soundtrack however is experimental early synthesised caucaughanies that range from powerful and fitting to totally unlistenable. It's SUCH a spectrum that I'm utterly lost for comment on it, because, when the contrast ranges from "Impressive" to "Why are my eyes uncontrollably bleeding!?" It's kind of hard deliver a constructive line of feedback. You'd think the two different styles would work against each other, but they actually work quite well together, creating a unique soundscape for this film that genuinely surprised me it's one that I'd love to own isolated some day. If only to annoy people with the synthy side of it!
Boarding House was released on VHS in the US in 1983, but was refused a video certificate for distribution in the UK in 1984 where it had been planned for a rental release. The video recordings act of 1984 had come into effect mere weeks before this film was set to be released in the UK and the BBFC took one look at this thing and basically said "You can submit it for classification, but we won't approve it for one and without one you can't release it." In fact; It's because of this that Boarding House TO THIS DAY, STILL hasn't had a UK release on ANY home video or rental format (at least at the time of recording it hasn't).
What I CAN say is in the US it did receive a dvd release from Code red in 2008, but that the "grail" release for this movie really came in 2021 when AGFA and Bleeding skull teamed up to put this film out as a 2 disc bluray and stunning is simply too small a word for the work these guys have done on this set. It's miraculous, it's…INCREDIBLE. What we have here is a 2 disc set where, on the first disc you get the choice to watch the film either as it was shown in theatres (scanned from an original 35mm print at 2k) OR you can watch the original home video release in all its fuzzy warm glory captured from the original master dubbing tape. There are 2 commentaries for the film alongside theatrical trailers, home video trailers and TV spots. That's JUST on disc 1.
Disc 2 includes "Psycho Killer" the previously unreleased "Alternate" cut of "Boarding House" transferred from the original 1" master tape. Also included is John's other feature 1989s "Sally and Jess" scanned in at 2k alongside an audio commentary and historic "Behind the scenes" footage, alongside a plethora of music videos shot by John and Kalassu. All wrapped up in a lovingly crafted slipcase that's to die for, honestly; it's gorgeous. It really is a DAMN fine package and one of my all time favourite releases that AGFA have done to date! Serious kudos to them and I sincerely hope 101 films manage carry this release over to their other current AGFA lineups in the UK!
Do I recommend "Boarding House?" ABSOLUTELY I do. Despite its clunky execution, It's a WILD watch and one of the most entertaining SOV movies I've ever seen. While I know it won't be for everyone. The total dream-like wooziness this film possesses just made it infinitely more watchable, it would be easy on a surface level to take one look at this thing and just write it off as schlocky nonsense. But bubbling just below the surface is an actually rather technically proficient for its budget, film that, even when presented with half the footage missing, STILL managed to leave a positive impression on me that I don't think I'll forget in a hurry. im astounded honestly that this thing works half as well as it does, it ABSOLUTELY should have bombed hard given the elements that went into making it, and yet somehow it's mezmorisingly captivating, just bear in mind, it does have its faults in terms of performances and scripting and I feel, if you've had experience with SOV before and liked films like "Sledgehammer" or "Things", you'll probably get on with this one…
EDIT:
…Anyway, I managed to track down the 2 and a half hour cut, I've watched it all the way through aaaaand…*sigh* It's never easy is it? SO! The extended cut is a beast unto itself. And quite honestly, for every positive thing I can say about it, there's a negative that cancels it out. On the plus side, Yes. A not insignificant chunk of the footage DOES contain some additional plot points and explanations. Entire scenes appear to have been removed from the theatrical release that would have added LOADS of context, From small things like more footage of the killer escaping the hospital, to giving Harris WAY more involvement in the film, explaining how he got from being stood outside the front of the house to being pushed into a pool by the girls AND explaining why he was allowed on the 2nd floor when James specifically said "NO BOYS ABOVE THE 1ST FLOOR!"
The extra scenes do a lot to explain some of the bizarre and all over the place character developments, Victoria gets several scenes put back in, in which we see her…y'know; ACTUALLY be the lead singer in a band! We get more insight in the opening act about her character and who she is, we get to see her attend rehearsals with her band and we get to see why Victoria and Pam have a bit of a ta ta tet going on throughout (in the finished cut, Pam is a tiny bit bitchy and inconsiderate and Victoria loses her shit for seemingly no reason, whereas in the extended cut, we see Pam be WAY worse to Victoria which, when reinserted gives Victoria's sudden meltdown in the 2nd act better pacing and kind of makes it make more sense.
We get a LOT more hints and context about who the killer is in the first couple of acts, which again; aids with the pacing, improves the reveal of the killer in the 3rd act (which…comes out of left field in the final cut) And there's even just some nice small things, like extra scenes with Harris and Cindy's asshole boyfriend in the first act that helps solidify who they are and what they're up to WELL before they turn up in the final cut, where they seemingly show up out of the blue.
There's even an alternate ending, which has an ACTUAL on screen resolution for James and Victoria AS WELL as explaining the weird title cards at the end of the finished cut that don't seem to point to anything. The reason they don't point to anything is because they cut out the context of what they were talking about in the final cut!
BUT! For every Yin, there is indeed a Yang…and boy does this film come with a Yang. While there is a LOT of decent extra footage inserted there is also a HELL of a lot more padding. More scenes of people just lolling around the house talking absolute bollocks. Which, given most of the final cuts made up of that footage is BEYOND annoying. I'd say of the *roughly* 1 hour of cut footage, half of its really interesting or important plot points or pacing improvements, the other half is absolute bollocks that clearly DID belong in the bin. Equally; and I don't know if this was just my copy, but almost ALL the gore and nudity had been cut out in the extended cut. Which basically defanged any of the horror this movie tried to have.
The biggest shake up though? Is the editing. And I don't know if I love it, or think it's the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen. But, for SOME bizarre reason when assembling the extended cut. Rather than keep it conventional, They've decided to edit on what i'm assuming is Windows movie maker and they've, for some reason decided to ram LITERALLY EVERY TRANSITION CROSSFADE THEY COULD GET THEIR HANDS ON INTO EVERY BREATHABLE SECOND OF THE RUNTIME. It looks like the "Junior christian science bible learning show for kids" and it's distracting more than anything else. Sometimes they use them to re-run clips from the movie completely at random and out of order, sometimes they use them to show the same clip over and over again for no reason, and they've made the WEIRD choice to randomly insert stills and clips from other parts of the film at random throughout the new cut.
It's distracting, awkward, clearly done over the top of an analogue driven edit which clashes with the analogue effects. It's positively psychotronic and as a means of ACTUALLY trying to watch this film, it's godawful. But…and its kind of a guilty admission…as an art piece?…as something you just absorb and experience rather than critique? I thought it was bloody good fun! It's something texturally different to the theatrical cut. It is JAAAAAAAAAAAAM to the theatrical cuts "Jam" and I kind of dug it for that.
In an ideal world, someone would do to this film what they did to "The Wicker Man" and make a "Final cut" of the film, reinserting the important missing scenes from the extended cut into the theatrical cut and trimming down some of the fat from the theatrical. I reckon you'd have a decent 1:35:00 to 1:55:00 with that brief and a decent editor at the helm. Maybe I've just found a summer project. Who knows? All I do know is; if you choose to check this movie out, go for the original home video presentation, it's the version that looks the best in my opinion. If you're hungry for more when you're done, check out the extended cut for a mindblowing reimaging of total concussion cinema.
source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/boardinghouse/1/
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