I really want to scream and hit the woman in front of me. Being me though, it feels more like I will end up curled on the floor sobbing. But I tell myself I can hold it together just enough so that they won't see how broken I am.
The woman, my jobs adviser, is scanning me from behind her desk, as though I am her least favourite person in the world. At this moment, I probably am.
"Why don't you want to take the placement Cassia?" she demands.
"Because, it wasn't right for me," I tell her, somehow feigning confidence. "The work was boring and I disliked the manager. There was little respect for the workforce."
"You're not exactly in a position to be selective," she says.
"I stuck it out for two weeks," I reminded her. "I hated it from the start and could have left within the first hour. I checked. It is in my right to do that without losing my benefits. But I stayed for two weeks, to be sure, and give the placement a chance."
She frowns and I try to remember to breathe. It's rare I ever argue back as it usually results in my anger and frustration forming tears. Any kind of fear and feistiness had ebbed away long ago. This was merely a tiny spark of it.
Silently, I pray that she will let the matter drop, as that small effort to fight back had left me drained already.
"Well, since you're obviously so certain you won't be taking the placement, it means you now have to go on a work program," the adviser sighs.
"What does that entail?"
"You will be required to visit another office on a regular basis. Every day if they ask you to. You will receive a new adviser with them. Your standard of job searching will be more closely monitored. They may get you on several courses, without option. Although you will still be required to attend fortnightly appointments here to sign for your benefits."
My reaction is to merely shrug. My emotions are drained, switched off, before they could take over and cause me to break down.
"I'll make you an appointment for the referral," the adviser says tightly. She stabs at her keyboard, clearly pissed off with me. I had stopped caring. She was not on my list of people to please.
I knew this had been coming. So far I'd been fortunate, as my official adviser had been away for a month and I had been seeing someone else only to sign for my allowance. So there'd been no third degree about my work placement, or the fact I wasn't taking the resultant job offer.
None of these people really cared, or had any regard for what was best for you, the job seeker. They seem to put a lot of people into the same bracket, treating us as though unemployment is a choice and we're all lazy and looking for an easy ride by cheating the system. They only want people ticked off their list and to take the credit for finding you work. Even though they've done next to nothing compared to you, the actual job seeker.
This was proven early on, during our first meeting. I had expressed reluctance to attend a three day workshop which would apparently help me complete applications and gain me minor qualifications in English and Maths. I probably came across as superior, but pointed out that I had A-Levels in English Literature and Language, had done a GCSE Maths resit and had previously received help in job search skills before I left college.
But when I produced my CV she responded with "Oh, maybe you do need some help." Her issue? My CV was on two pages. She suggested reorganising the layout and I politely pointed out, 1) that would make my qualifications less clear; 2) this CV had been created with the help of a tutor experienced in helping people apply for jobs; 3) this CV had already helped me obtain several interviews and two jobs in the past.
She didn't seem to like that. It probably sounded as though I was telling her she didn't know what she was talking about. Quite honestly, I've never been sure that she does know half the time.
She made me go on the workshop saying, "It is only for three days and you're not doing anything anyway", because apparently if you're a job seeker it's assumed you have absolutely no other commitments and you get scrutinised if you mention any. The Jobcentre seem to have the right to claim priority on your time at any point and as good as threaten to cut you off if you are unavailable for something at the last minute. Even if your time is taken up by something like a doctors appointment or a funeral. I once heard someone being bluntly and insensitively interrogated about a family grievance that had prevented them seeking work.
I had to do an initial assessment then and there for the English and Maths. Unfortunately it was pretty near lunchtime and breakfast had seemed a long time ago, so I wasn't at my best and didn't do brilliantly. Not to mention I was expected back home within an hour, but was kept waiting so long that I was gone for three hours. I didn't do well, because hardly anyone does when they're literally running on empty, and was put into a low level assessment grade, sitting an assessment that felt designed for a school child and obtaining a certificate which has never been any use to me at all. It would have been fairer for them to offer everyone a biscuit before the assessment, especially if they kept you waiting so long. The only good thing I got out of the workshop was the tutor saying I had an example of a perfect CV. Which I was not ashamed to state to my advisor on our next meeting.
That was months ago. There have been various difficulties since, such as my refusal to do a six week project at the local fire station which I felt was no help to me and she tried to make it hard to get out of; not applying for a retail job with a 4am start that would have included me walking there alone, down several dark streets; my lack of job searching at weekends; going to Bath with my family for my sisters graduation; only applying for a single job in a week, despite the fact I had applied for four the week prior to that. Apparently I was doing too much in one week and needed to spread it out so that I could apply for two jobs per week, not at least four jobs in the space of two weeks. As though I could ask the employers to extend their closing date for applications.
Little by little, I stopped caring. There was no point doing my best, there was no point trying to please anyone there. At least dealing with this, with these people, it was only once a week or every two weeks. Home was a different story.
As the adviser continued to glare at the computer and me in turn, I avoided her gaze and looked around. There were a lot of rough looking people around that day. It varied. Some looked perfectly neat as though they had a life, a future. Others looked like they had never had any hope and never would.
In need of confidence, knowing I'd be questioned and looked down on, I tried to set myself apart from those people, in their scruffy clothes full of holes, who often smell like they've never had access to a single bar of soap in their lives. Tried to look like I had somewhere more important to be.
I sat there, under that scrutiny, trying to pretend that my clean black jeans and flowing blue top, the neat black pumps and shiny dark hair swept into a high ponytail, disguise the fact I'm exactly like them.
"I'll see you next week for the work program referral." The adviser hands me my appointment card. Dismissed. I simply get up out of my seat and leave. Stalking across the room, head held high, like I'm running late for something and this has been nothing in my day.
*
A (long) explanation.
The above is an extract from something I wrote a few years ago. It has been edited and added to several times and all of it is based very much on actual experiences I had.
Cassia's story is not precisely like mine and I should note that whilst I had these experiences in the early to mid 2010's, Cassia's experiences are set forwards in time, in 2024/25. She signs on at the age of 24, with A-levels, having attempted university for three months and worked short spells in retail. I signed on at the age of 19, fresh out of college where I spent three years, first obtaining a BTEC and then a long list of secretarial qualifications and virtually no experience. I had two jobs advisors during my first spell with the Jobcentre, but I amalgamated the two into one character for Cassia's story. The novel is in the fantasy genre, so Cassia escaped any further dealings with the Jobcentre because she was taken to a magical world, before her own was invaded by people from that other world. A huge point was that Cassia got the kind of escape we all dream of, but even when she discovered magic, she couldn't escape forever and there were other problems to deal with.
What happened in my own reality was very different and spread over a long period of time.
My real experiences lasted most of four years and included 11 months at the Jobcentre, followed by two years on a work program and another 5 months at the Jobcentre. I had four advisers across all three experiences and three unpaid work experience placements. The Jobcentre either wildly and wrongly assumed or downright lied to me about the prospects of the first placement; they should never have put me forward for the second but made me feel I had no choice; the third was in the Jobcentre itself. Although it did show me most people who work there are perfectly normal and lovely people who are bound by rules set in an office far away, just as much as the job seekers are, it also showed a few other flaws in the system. Namely, the people working in the jobcentre genuinely don't know what they're doing when using the job sites or completing applications and creating CV's. That's why I was there, because by this point, I had received training and experience in job seeking that they hadn't. The first adviser I ever had there was proven to be wildly out of touch.
The first meeting with the adviser Cassia described is exactly what happened to me, with the two quotes from the jobs adviser being word for word. It was satisfying to tell her I'd been told I had a perfect example of a CV, although it wasn't the only time I encountered such an attitude. Much later there was an even cruder example, where someone literally treated me like an annoying 16 year old (at this point I was about 21 years old) and said, in an exasperated manner as she looked at my CV "oh this is all wrong." Because I'd put my qualifications first, ahead of my experience. She did not like me pointing out, reasonably, that my qualifications were more relevant than my then scanty experience and the CV had been approved by multiple people and seen me get several interviews.
The last appointment with the adviser before the work program referral was also very much the same as Cassia's description. I endured two weeks of being treated like a doormat on a work placement (the second one which I was pushed into) and refused the apprenticeship, which had been decided as the best thing by me, my parents and another adviser I'd seen while mine was away. But it clearly annoyed my regular adviser with the conversation about it being very like as described by Cassia. Once I was on the work program, the new adviser I had there told me it was because it looked bad for the Jobcentre. Although she later took exactly the same attitude when I refused four weeks unpaid experience that meant two hours of travelling time and had no actual job at the end of it.
Many of the other experiences Cassia describes are based on things that happened.
I was pressured into signing up for a project at the local fire station that was of no use or interest and she made very difficult to back out of (fortunately I was able to get out of it, thanks to a more sympathetic employee). One week I applied for four jobs and the next week only one, as I saw none others posted that week, earning a rebuke for not applying for two jobs per week. I wasn't criticised for not considering a job that started at 4am, because I was not comfortable with walking there in the darkness of the early hours, but honestly, it wasn't difficult to imagine any of my advisers being unhappy with this choice.
I never tried to go away somewhere whilst signed on, but knew others who intended to go away for a weekend to visit family, were closely questioned as though this was not something they were really allowed to do and had to agree to continue job searching whilst away and return if offered interviews, signing a piece of paper to account for this. A little similar to getting a holiday at work approved, except you were expected to continue working whilst away. Several times I was told without warning to turn up the next day, or booked for something on a certain date with it being assumed I would be available. Although I normally was, it was only just. The demands were slightly less aggressive once I started a very part time job. I also, very genuinely, overheard someone being bluntly questioned on a recent traumatic grievance.
I won't pretend I had no responsibility for some of the difficulties as someone who was young, naïve and stubborn. It's clear now that I had various anxieties only just emerging, including travel anxieties. I also had a disabled parent who was getting worse, which placed restrictions on jobs that worked with my home schedule. There was no sympathy or leniency on this. I eventually signed off because of a job and when that went horribly wrong, I chose not to sign back on as I was tired of the entire system and having to account for my every move. Although I still don't have full time work, I have never set foot in the Jobcentre since.
Whilst I understand that the Jobcentre essentially employ you to seek work, meaning you have to basically sign a contract and follow certain rules and have to earn your money, meaning a lot of what they ask of you makes perfect sense, some of what they expect, particularly how they command your time, is unreasonable.
If anyone is wondering, during my work placement with the Jobcentre, both of my former advisers from the first year of my being signed on were still working there, but by coincidence, were absent most of the time. One was on a long holiday and I had the misfortune to be landed an appointment with her after she returned, where she officially sanctioned me for not looking for work on weekends (revoked by my very reasonable official adviser, who disagreed and said the other adviser had overstepped). The other was initially supposed to be the supervisor. It was obvious we remembered each other, and hated each other. With a passion. Fortunately, for me and not her, she had to take sick leave for most of the placement and returned only in the last week. At which point she completely and utterly ignored me. I have never seen her since.
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