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With the New Years break done, the Summer 2024 Jack Attack season ignited in a blazing inferno at Manning Memorial, which isn't due to demand for spots, it's moreso the fact that we're about to enter the worst heatwave in Perth since last week.
As of Week 1, 24 teams have entered for this season, and we have had a few team changes:
Fawesome are out, as Stewie succumbed to the lure of fishing... much like most of the things he pulls from the Indian Ocean.
The Top Shots won't be featuring in Jack Attack for the first time in quite some time, as they seemingly decided to leave on the high of winning the Close to Crap award for Spring 2023.... it's that or they're looking after some friends from Old Blighty.
The Buffed Helmets and Salty Bowls have made the decision to downsize to 1 team each, probably so that Glen O'Brien can put the entry money towards the Buffs' cricketing trip to Thailand.
The Jackson 3 are now Bowljack Horseman, as Alex performs his bi-annual name change to something bowling related.
As for the new kids on the block, The Jackobites are a new team entered by Chris the Scotsman, who is a work colleague of our Manning teammate Mark Matthews, and the story goes that one of their team members was banned from every bowling club in Scotland...
Not sure exactly why, but it is Scotland, so it was probably for drinking something that had less than 40% alcohol in it.
The other new team is Hosky's Hopefuls (Linda, Craig and Brad), all friends of our beloved Manning teammate Mat Hoskin, and if Coach Hoskin doesn't attend and support the team he self-indulgently named after himself, then their name shall be changed to something more appropriate...
Hosky's Hopeless would be my first guess.
But, otherwise we were ready to get back into another big season of Manning Jack Attack!
The Overall Night
The youngest player in Manning Jack Attack on Rink 2
It was very evident that some teams hadn't done much rolling up during the 7-week break, as shown in the fact that the Top 4 all had margins of at least 20 shots, 7 games had margins of more than 10 shots, and only 2 games (Out of 12) went to tiebreaks, creating something of a disparity, which Chief Handicapper Price will have to address in due season.
Starting off the season, the first overall winners of the night were the wily old veterans Ten Pin, featuring Deb, Coral and Jack playing in place of Peter due to a few health issues, and the team that barely avoided the Wooden Spoon game last season delivered a monster +24 shot win over the Bowling Stones on Grass Rink 5, conceding just 1 end all the night to the team who had finished in 5th place last season, the exclamation mark being the final end of the night, as a tight 3-2 4th Set was blown out thanks to a full count of 6 (12 shots) on a powerplay final end, making the final score 11-0 and 15-2.
The announcement of the scoreline led to a pearler from Scotty of the Buffed Helmets regarding the losers...
"They were more like the Kidney Stones!"
2nd overall went to the Bowl Movements, who recorded a straight sets +22 shot win against debutants The Jackobites on Synthetic Rink 2, a game that would also feature a full count of 6 (12) on a final end powerplay, catapulting Bowl Movements from a midfield start up into 2nd place after Week 1.
3rd overall went to the Steam Rollers, who recorded a +21 shot victory against Stop Drop & Bowl on Grass Rink 1 (14-3 11-1), and it seemed by about the 3rd End of the game that Stop Drop & Bowl's only chance of reaching the jack was by driving at it, a tactic that worked quite well for the Steam Rollers, and at the end of the night it seemed Steph O'Brien seemed happier to win the $6 drinks voucher for touching the than the $20 for 3rd place....
Probably because there were only 4 touchers on the grass all night.
4th Overall went to Crawshaw Crisis Committee thanks to their +20 shot victory against Hosky's Hopefuls on Synthetic Rink 1, and the Hopefuls weren't helped at all by their namesake coach not rocking up until 6:50, by which time Crawshaw were well on their way to a 1st Set shutout win (10-0), and Wilko, Patsy and the Crawshaw residents capped it off with a 14-4 win in the 2nd Set, although it could easily have been more when Patsy put 2 bowls on the jack in the last end, only for Craig to play the bowl of the night when he sat the shot bowl clean to give the Hopefuls 2 to end the night, and even a drive from Wilko couldn't get it out.
The question was asked why a team would be driving when they're 22 shots up in a social game, and I'll say this...
There is no mercy in social bowls.
I would also note that for those of you who have read these reports since the dawn of time, Brad Coopes of Hosky's Hopefuls played in Manning Jack Attack many years ago for the former Manning Rippers team, and this was his first appearance on a Wednesday night since way back on December 11, 2019 - The last appearance of the Rippers in Jack Attack.
Can't think of too much that's happened since then.
Finishing off the results for Week 1:
The incumbent runners-up Macatac 2 delivered a wake-up call to the Shapes with a straight sets 13-shot victory on Synthetic Rink 4, and the Shapes were a bit short-handed in more ways than one, as team manager Craig has broken his collarbone and can only bowl left-handed:
If Wednesday night was any guide, he'll start off with a broken collarbone, but he'll also have a fractured back after carrying the team for 6 weeks.
A bowl so good it forced a one-armed man to use two hands
Completing the night for the Maccers, Macatac 1 did what no team could do during the Spring 2023 season, and that was defeat Norfolk Enchants, and they did it quite convincingly with a straight sets +10 shot victory on Synthetic Rink 8, as the Norfolk Islanders looked more like they Norfolkin' Idea without the presence of Quinny to guide them along, especially against Graham and Trish.
Bowljack Horseman started their new identity by easily defeating Manning Up in straight sets on Synthetic Rink 3, a win so thorough that Manning Up (Who paid the price for a lack of a preseason) didn't even get the pleasure of being tie break turkeys as the Horseman sealed the game 11-1 in the 2nd Set, complete with drives like this from Richard:
The Bowled Guys started off their season with a straight sets 8-shot win against Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good on Grass Rink 4, a game that featured Bruce getting more wicks than a candle, cutting out several EBIG shots, and I have no idea what Jamie and his missus were doing, but I can only surmise they were having a good time throughout the night.
Funnily enough, Jamie actually got the shot on this end
That game also featured Helen in her first game as drinks 'runner' for Ebowla Bad, Ibowla Good (Her other half Ben plays for them) after getting the sack from running for the CDs... Based on this result, she'll be the first person in Jack Attack history to get sacked as drinks 'runner' for 2 teams.
A few rinks over on ditch Rink 6, the Great Bowls of Fire slid under the radar and started off their season with a 5-shot straight sets win against the Unbelievabowls, who did at least hold on both of their powerplays on the night, which still wasn't enough to grab a point, which can be explained by the fact they only held on 3/10 ends.
The first of the tiebreak results was the Buffed Helmets against Verse 1 on Synthetic Rink 7, which started out with Verse 1 winning the 1st Set 11-5, but the Buffs soared back and won the 2nd Set 15-1, which coincided with Carmo sitting out the entire set after playing all of the 1st, then the tiebreak featured a BASEketball-esque psyche out duel between Ronni and Scotty, which I can say went the way of Scotty as he managed to add another shot to the count, next door to the toucher that Hully produced, while Ronni sprayed her bowl wide:
In what seemed to be a pattern, the second tiebreak occurred next door on Synthetic Rink 6 between Rock N Bowl and This Is How We Roll, following on from a high-scoring pair of sets (12-8 to How We Roll in the 1st and 11-4 to Rock N Bowl in the 2nd), and eventually Rock N Bowl got the win in the decider, and it was a good debut for Jodie playing alongside Belinda Mac and Cam, and before the night began Adam Mac was giving Jodie some coaching...
Evidently Jodie is a fast learner, because she eventually told Macca to piss off and gave him the arse as a mentor.
Master Yoda, he is not.
Finally, the lucky last rink to finish on Wednesday night was next door on Synthetic Rink 5, as the CDs (Minus the sacked drinks runner Helen) defeated the Salty Bowls in a tiebreak, the CDs standing out among the 12 winners from Week 1 as they were the only team that won without being ahead on variance.
The key result of the game was the final end of the 1st Set, with the score at 3-3 after 4 and Salty Bowls deploying their powerplay to try and build some variance, only for the CDs to hold 1 and win the set, which saved their bacon as the salty bowlers won the 2nd Set 5-2, but once again, the CDs won the final end and got the mat for the tiebreak, and made full use of it.
Overall a nice return to Wednesday nights at Manning Memorial!
Results
For the record, the reason we didn't use Grass Rinks 2 and 3 was at the request of Dave the Greenkeeper, who wanted to give both rinks a rest due to some wear and tear over recent weeks, namely the Inter Zone Round Robin on top of 3 days of pennants.
2 points for a set win, 1 point for a draw and/or a tiebreak win, tiebreaks are not counted in score variance.
Grass 1: Steam Rollers (4pts +21) defeated Stop Drop & Bowl, 14-3 11-1
Grass 4: Bowled Guys (4pts +8) defeated Ebowla Bad Ibowla Good, 6-4 7-1
Grass 5: Ten Pin (4pts +24) defeated Bowling Stones, 11-0 15-2
Grass 6: Great Bowls of Fire (4pts +5) defeated Unbelievabowls, 5-2 7-5
Synthetic 1: Crawshaw CC (4pts +20) defeated Hosky's Hopefuls, 14-4 10-0
Synthetic 2: Bowl Movements (4pts +22) defeated The Jackobites, 10-4 17-1
Synthetic 3: Bowljack Horseman (4pts +12) defeated Manning Up, 8-6 11-1
Synthetic 4: Macatac 2 (4pts +13) defeated Shapes, 12-0 4-3
Synthetic 5: CDs (3pts -2) defeated Salty Bowls (2pts +2), 4-3 2-5 1-0 in the tiebreak
Synthetic 6: Rock N Bowl (3pts +3) defeated This Is How We Roll (2pts -3), 8-12 11-4 1-0 in the tiebreak
Synthetic 7: Buffed Helmets (3pts +8) defeated Verse 1 (2pts -8), 5-11 15-1 2-0 in the tiebreak
Synthetic 8: Macatac 1 (4pts +10) defeated Norfolk Enchants, 12-6 6-2
Captain's Comments
John, Manning Up: "Bad preseason, more like no preseason"
Carmo, Buffed Helmets: "First set we got pummeled, but the beers kicked in and proved it's a funny game- You can win by 8 shots and still be a chance of losing"
Scotty, Buffed Helmets: "Ronni was balking me, cupping my bowls, and still couldn't put me off!"
Belinda, Rock N Bowl: "Jodie was our new recruit and Macca was coaching her… eventually she told him to piss off and sacked him!"
Kochie, Great Bowls of Fire: "Under the radar, that's where we wanna be"
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