On February 11th, after a night of complete rest
and full supplies of oxygen via a CPAP mask,
My mother opened her eyes and smiled at us - for the last time, as it turned out.
It was epic. Like Eve, in Eden. Like a Queen washed up on shore,
her radiant being conveyed to us, via the golden boat of her body.
And what a storm it had been, that led to this.
I felt as if everything was inverse:
As if I, her child, was welcoming her into the world
Anew, although she was so much older than I
And legendary.
I wondered where she would go,
when her eyes closed again,
and what she would hear
As the cacophony of the
realm she was leaving receded, and we and our claims
to her attention faded,
along with the noise
The morning sun came in through the windows of her hospital room
And I'm sure it established a brief continuity.
There had been so many years to say
Absolutely everything that needed
So urgently to be heard
She left me clues in many ways about what she wanted me to know:
the weight of it immense,
but parcelled out in brief emails
with links to old films,
and references to the lives we had all shared.
She left her body quietly, from one breath to the next.
She was facing me, lying gently on her side, eyes closed.
They kept her overnight, at the funeral home, and as the men were preparing to wheel her away, I suddenly felt I didn't want her to be alone. And it all hammered me, at that moment, everything that had - until then - been suspended. She was beyond that now.
She had already gone.
I wished in those days that I could have guarded her
from all the pain and harm in the world,
its residue insistently washing up against her door.
I realise that I laid myself down for her, like a carpet.
Outwitted and outfought death.
Protected her from every harm:
Shielded her from everything,
except the sun.
'Bring Me The Firmness Of Her Hand': Tribute to Yasmine Gooneratne by Devika Brendon
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Devika Brendon is a teacher, reviewer and editor of English language and literature. Her poetry, short stories and academic articles have been published in journals and anthologies in Sri Lanka, Australia, India, Africa, Italy and the USA. She is the Consultant Editor for the South East Asia Leadership Academy (SEALA), Content Editor for New Ceylon Writing, and a columnist and contributing writer for several national print and digital newspapers including Ceylon Today, The Mirror, The Sunday Times, Groundviews, and The Morning.
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