stage iv capitalism By AJ Donley

The Rising Phoenix Review

May 24

stage iv capitalism

In a world that in the same breath demands and forbids domesticity,
I wake up next to you in an apartment we can almost afford
in a city that neither of us likes – the rednecks and red lines, the rot
of the world seeping in open windows on a breeze that itself seems
weary, shuffling stale air that we exhale and then complain about. the
septic tank is busted, of course, but that doesn't mean we don't shit.
the landlord doesn't live here – he doesn't need to care about the sour
taste at the uvula of the apartment/the broken faucet/the upstairs sink clogging
our drain/the rust threatening tetanus at the mouth of the closet. We get
ahead by falling behind, our twenties in the rearview of a car whose
payments will outlive the miles, interest the overseer of the final breakdown:
the tow truck driver will call time of death, the scrap yard will offer $50 for
a car you don't yet and no longer own. they call it late stage like it's a cancer,
tumor ravaging the everything until the merciful death of the host but the thing
is, there is no death and no treatment. when my mother gave the doctor
half her breast and six months of comfort, she left with scars and a passing
grade to the next step of diagnosis: wait and worry and rot with the lack
of death. at least one is a promise, a timeline, an appointment on the calendar
while the other is a myriad of maybes, a limbo between holding on and holding
off. this is the kind of cancer whose margins are maybes: un-cut-out-able,
timeline-less, where interest rates strangle savings account and paychecks
barely cover the gas to make it to the food pantry. today is payday, so we will feast
on ramen and granola bars and cups of unsweetened applesauce and mark the
minuses in this month's budget.

By AJ Donley

Biography:

AJ was raised in the Midwest USA by a preacher and a music therapist--how could she not be enamored with dynamics and dissonance? She is queer woman with two psychology degrees who borrows the beauty of words to explore the human psyche. When not writing poetry, she works as an advocate for survivors of sexual violence. AJ has previously been featured in journals such as West Trade Review, Riverfeet Press, Subnivean, Juxtaprose, and Writers Resist.