Madame Web
by Cranky Curmudgeon
In the span of a week I have gone from knowing nothing about Madame Web to having seen the Sony Pictures movie no less than three times. How have I accomplished this? Go on a cruise some time and you, too, can watch the same three films for a week, especially if you get sick, which you almost certainly will on a cruise.
I couldn't Google the comics character to help understand the movie character, because there is no internet on board a ship, no matter how much extra they make you pay for it. So, I am first going to speak about the movie as an older woman stuck sick in a balcony stateroom on the ocean side of the ship. The biggest takeaway from the film is that I am old. I've never before had a movie make me feel it more than this one. That doesn't bother me, but it is a curious feeling. The first thing I discovered on googling is that this is not really a Marvel movie. I would hazard that that explains why it didn't seem like a Marvel movie.
In the film, paramedic Cassie Web has a drowning incident that turns on clairvoyant powers she didn't realize she has. Before fully learning how to use those powers she finds herself trying to save three teenage girls from a super bad guy with spider powers. Lots of running around and throwing cars and blowing up buildings ensue.
Googling made me realize the movie Madame Web has very little in common with the comics character, even more than a lot of other superhero movie characters who have been greatly changed on the silver screen. It twists my mind a bit to consider that the movie is an origin story that has so little in common with its origin. After twenty years of Marvel Cinematic Universe mischief, though, it's only a little twist. The big difference with the Sony picture is how badly they cast Madame Web, Cassie, and how unsympathetic they made the increasingly important characters of the girls to an old lady like me. I really enjoy superhero movies, just check out my dvd/blu-ray collection, so being old isn't the problem. I just found myself disliking the girls so much, and thinking over and over how unsuited Dakota Johnson is for the role.
My not buying Dakota as the character, disliking the girls, and too many stupidly unrealistic things happening has a lot to do with poor writing and directing.
Cassie looks peeved all the time. And a little confused. She continues to look peeved and confused even after she finally has that moment of understanding she has superhero powers and that she should use them. The girls are pretty, smart, diverse, and so badly written, from my perspective, I can't seem to get over it. You're on the run from an evil super spider person. Do you really run off to a crowded diner and do a sexy dance on a tabletop so some random teenage boys can grope you? I couldn't get past that level of moronic heterosexuality. And before you ask, no, I would never have done a sexy dance on a table for a bunch of girls. I also found their heightened level of name calling and food throwing like spoiled three year olds to be off putting and not endearing. When I think of the film and how I feel about it, that's my biggest takeaway. Those girls are supposed to be heroes. They make me feel like an old woman who just doesn't get it.
Beyond poorly written characters, there were plot issues that kept me wondering what the heck. You steal a Yellow Cab in New York City and "hide" it by taking off the license plate? Then drive it around for more than five minutes. Dude, it's still yellow and has the cab number on the roof. And, how do these four characters go on the run with just the clothes on their backs and afford gas, food and hotel? I wish I carried around that kind of pocket change. And looked that good after wearing those clothes and without a shower for so long.
Music is rarely important in a superhero movie, unless you're Guardians of the Galaxy, but I was mesmerized by a tune that was supposed to be important for some reason and kept popping up. I thought it was a creepy bit of instrumental designed to do weird things to my brain and stick there longer than it should. I was impressed, until I discovered it's a Brittany Spears song called Toxic, and not something original.
Those might seem like little things, but they add up. Superhero movies may be high fantasy, but that works best when set in the real world that we are familiar with. When nothing makes sense, it doesn't matter how many buildings you uproot and throw at the bad guy, something always feels a little off. The writers seem to have gotten hold of a Write A Superhero Movie Plug And Play set for the plot, but their lack of effort did give professional reviewers a lot to tee off on. The critical reviews are very entertaining.
Still, and I know this seems a weird, I didn't hate the film as a whole. I would tell someone who asks that it's only okay and not the worst superhero movie ever made, because I'm sure I am not the target audience and other people might like it a lot more than me. There seems to be little purpose for the film, even as part of the Spiderverse, because there's very little chance any sequels will be forthcoming considering its poor box office. Watch the film if you're bored and curious, then go to Wikipedia and read some of the reviews.
LINKS:
Madame Web
by CFR
Well cranky, you are not wrong. I pretty much agree with everything you said! Like 98% of it! I, however, being a different person, will say it just a bit differently.
Madame Web had half a soul.
After years of watching movies and wondering what went wrong with a certain movie. It had all of the elements of at least enjoyable movie making so why did it fail? No soul. In other words, we really see a movie through a director's eyes. So Barbie was like wow because Greta Gerwig LOVED it so much. The Avengers movie was fantastic because you could feel the love. Every shot was made through Joss Whedon's eyes and you could feel how much he loved these characters and loved making this movie about them. Godzilla -1 has soul baby! Everyone in that movie had love and/or dedication to the project so you felt it and that made the movie fantastic.
Now not every movie with soul is great, but it sure makes it better for the audience.
So I'm watching Madame Web and yes, Cranky is so right, the writing could have been so much better. When the audience can predict the dialog it is time to go home and stop using AI as the final draft. (AI is rough draft only.) So that was disappointing. Then we discover full grown Cassie and uh oh. I'm not saying Dakota Johnson is a bland actress, I'm just saying she wasn't right for the role. I would say she was half way there. You felt now power or passion from her, no character growth. Ok, the predictable dialogue didn't help but well, the other actors seemed to be doing alright so well, sorry Dakota but this wasn't your project.
As for the three youngsters, I really liked them. I would have wanted way more time with them. However, for me a huge
as Cranky previously wrote, you can't steal a taxi and then not be hunted down and arrested. AND! YOU CANNOT LEAVE THREE NYC TEENAGERS IN THE WOODS BASICALLY ABANDONING THEM THERE! WTF?!?!? I was utterly disgusted by that. It made no sense. So much character growth could have happened with all four of them trying to figure each other out and hide. Alas, that didn't happen.
Now the dancing on the table, I just felt panic because well, sexual assault. So were there a lot of men who wrote this and thought "Oooo fun"? They need some education.
In short, that section of the movie made me roll my eyes and pulled me out of the plot.
END SPOILERS
Also! I despise it in a movie when a character must find information so they travel across the world, walk into a really remote forest in another part of the world to get answers and WTF?!?!?!?! No. That does not work for me.
Now for the I Liked Parts: I really enjoyed at the end watching all of the characters come together to help each other. I enjoyed feeling their love for one another. I liked the diversity of the young women. YAY! It was fun. I also really liked watching Adam Scott and the EMT workers. I wanted to see more of them. I basically wanted to see more character work and development. As I've said before, you don't need big budgets, just very interesting characters to keep an audience hooked.
I wonder what Madame Web's real origin story is like? Why didn't they just take it directly from the comics?
So all in all, I really wanted to like this movie. I mean, it is such a cool premise, such a cool character. And it just fell short.
No soul.
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