When I opened Experienced by Kate Young, the first words I read were lyrics from the 2022 queer anthem, "What I Want," by MUNA. It was at this moment I knew I was going to like this book.
Experienced revolves around Bette, a newly out, twenty-nine-year-old lesbian who has fallen desperately in love with Mei, the first girl she's ever been with. Despite a blissful and enlightening first few months of dating, Mei abruptly pushes for a three-month break in their relationship, encouraging Bette to date other women and explore her newly embraced sexuality. Heartbroken and confused, Bette enlists the help of her best friends, embarks on the hellscape that is modern dating apps, grapples with the lingering love she has for Mei, and begins her "sex odyssey." She soon meets Ruth, a stunning and clever bisexual thirty-something who seeks her forever partner. After a very unsuccessful first date, the two become fast friends. As Ruth takes up the role as Bette's queer sage and fierce confidant, the line between platonic and romantic begins to blur, complicating past, present, and future relationships.
Simultaneously steamy, swoon-worthy, and sweet, Experienced is also very relatable in many ways. Bette is chaotic, awkward, and hopelessly in love with someone who is afraid of commitment. She allows Mei to strip her of her autonomy in their relationship and spends much of the novel pining over a lover with glaringly obvious red flags. Though Bette is infuriating at times, it is her silly antics, messy situations, and lack of surety that make her character so endearing and familiar. As the novel progresses, Bette embraces the new version of herself—one that knows what she wants and what she deserves. She begins to understand and revel in her queerness, blossoming within the community that surrounds her. Though Bette's arc can be frustrating, it is undoubtedly understandable to many.
There is something beautiful too in the fact that Bette is a character struggling with her sexuality later on in her twenties. Mid-way through her sexual odyssey, Bette comes to an epiphany. In a humorous supermarket debrief with her best friend and roommate, Ash, Bette states, "I think maybe I can be mourning that time lost, all those years I could have spent having fun and figuring out what I wanted, without wanting to make up for it." Ultimately, each queer journey is different. No timeline or mold perfectly encapsulates one's coming out and coming of age. Heteronormativity has conditioned us to readily adopt ideas about what is typical or "normal" in regards to sex and dating when the fact of the matter is that how and when people discover their identities is entirely singular. As an avid romance reader, it is incredibly refreshing to bear witness to the complicated and ever-evolving queer journey of an older character. As this hasn't always been common and accessible in contemporary romance—especially within the queer sphere—Young's celebration of intersecting identities is touching.
While occasionally the pace does read a little slow and routine whilst Bette embarks on her online dating journey, the countdown format that moves the novel forward is very unique. As readers inch closer to the end of Mei and Bette's three-month break, it is evident how naturally Bette's character grows into herself, as well as how once-held perspectives, behaviors, and relationships evolve in the novel. Additionally, the third person perspective from which the book is told allows the reader to experience the plot objectively, detached from the common first person narrative of romantic comedies. While this definitely did take a little getting used to, third person ultimately best fit the story in my opinion.
Young also leans into many modern cultural references throughout the novel. From quoting a famous YouTube yogi to referencing a famously swoon-worthy Canadian ice-dancing duo, Experience is chalked full of small glimpses into silly modern-day fixations. In addition to an ensemble of witty, lovable side characters and hilariously British banter, the novel definitely excels in drawing a laugh.
A hilariously chaotic insight into modern dating culture, Experienced is an ode to the beauty of queer love stories.
FICTION
Experienced
By Kate Young
Penguin Books
Published June 4, 2024
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