The blue hour By ratbels

The Rising Phoenix Review

June 8

The blue hour

You see those trees over there
The skyline between them says my dad
You call that the blue hour, and he's
Circling something in the sky
as if
He can see pencil lines forming

He's talking about the spit-line tone of blue
That lingers on the horizon's lips
Before she swallows and everything becomes violet

In this nightfall moment all I'm thinking about is
Dad, I'm gay
And how I never had this memory of me telling him
And how I never had this memory of him telling me
I know, I love you

I'm quiet at the corner bakery, feeling off
Like the full chicken we planned on pulling
There's a metaphor I want to touch on,
but I don't (quite know how to say:
I feel like plucked, roast chicken pulled to pieces).
So I wobble in my sandals like
I'm not meant to be

The silence discusses everything we refuse to say
Dad, are you going to give me away at my wedding?
This is when the guitar strings are plucked
And the deja vu of every street busker outside Spar
Begin to serenade

Is he good to you?
I want him to ask, but he doesn't.
I reply to his other question instead, "Beef for me."

I thought this would make an accurate analogy

You know golden hour says my dad
When the sky is beautiful and orange
Like a painting, this comes exactly after that
This uncertain colour of blue

The blue hour
Where I question everything
And say nothing.

By ratbels

Biography:

Ratbels was born from an anagram of Will. C. Alberts' surname in similarity to the influence of Halsey (Musician, Poet and Artist). Ratbels' poetry was born in a quiet place, growing up in the Middle East, where existence was as much a threat as the looming future diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. It is in his poetry where he developed a voice for the skeletons that danced longer in the closet than he did himself. During Covid-19 and its consequential lockdown periods, Ratbels printed and distributed a book of poetry that told the story of early childhood trauma, abuse in relationships and family, and the course of therapy.