After living abroad for a period of time (six months in Italy and seven years in France), I feel qualified to offer a very gentle primer on how to better understand any friends you may have who are now living full time outside the United States.
Why could this be helpful? Because people change when they've left their home country. This seems obvious on an abstract level, but it can be confusing on a personal level. Intellectually, we may completely accept the fact that a friend or family member would be a little different after living in a 'foreign' country for a period of time. Still, when we reconnect and spend time with them, we're not always aware or prepared for the changes we might experience.
Note: change is not always obvious, and may tell us as much about ourselves as it does about the person who has 'changed', if we keep an open mind.
Of course I am now considered an expatriate. I also have expat friends here in France. I meet Americans who are living in other (mostly European) countries and Americans who are considering a perhaps permanent move to Europe.
In order to contribute to preserve friendships and smooth the lines of communication between you and your expat friends, I'm going to share the following things you can be aware of, avoid, or inquire about when you sit down to a coffee or a meal with those you care about.
Maintaining long distance relationships is hard enough. Thinking about the items on my list below might shine a light on the situation. It will certainly give you and your expat buddies something to talk about.
First, the consumer culture that permeates the United States does not exist in other parts of the world. So if your expat friend comes home to visit, don't be surprised if they aren't interested in going shopping with you. Many products in the US are expensive, and the quality is just okay.
Also, don't be surprised if they are unimpressed with the car you now drive or the big screen television that you now watch. Many expats I know do not own a car or a television. They also do not talk about money or material possessions that much.
As a side note to this: your expat friends may now have different tastes regarding restaurants and cafes in particular and dining out in general. Europeans eat to enjoy food and each other's company. Restaurants in the US feel obligated to entertain with over-the-top menu items, clever decor, loud intercom music, and the latest gimmicky cocktail. Also, American restaurants serve huge portions, something that Europeans (and expats) are not accustomed to.
Second, the celebrity culture that permeates the United States does not translate or travel for the most part. Celebrities are generated by the media for a particular audience. That audience may be municipal, regional, national or international. Rarely is someone famous internationally.
So when you mention an American football player or American television actor to your expat friend from Europe, be prepared for the blank stare. They probably won't know who you're talking about. Famous for you isn't necessarily famous for them.
Third, the 'America is the greatest country in the world' comments won't go very far with Americans who've lived outside the United States for a period of time. Perspectives are changed by experiences and learning. Your expat friends may have lived in another country and experienced great healthcare benefits, nutritious food, and the absence of daily gun violence.
So accept that they may have a more nuanced opinion now: the United States is a very good version of democracy and capitalism, but it's not perfect and it's impossible to objectively label something as 'the greatest' or 'the best'. Unless you're discussing cheese, wine, or soccer, and even then debates can go late into the night with all sides having a good argument for their position.
A detail on this point: when your expat friends tell you about a particular event, experience, product, or service that they enjoy in their adopted country, don't immediately respond by mentioning an event, experience, product, or service in the US that's 'just like that'. I can assure you, it is not like that and it is probably not even close to being the same thing.
Fourth, be aware that your expat friends may not be interested in flying from Europe, South America, or Asia in order to visit you in Springfield, Illinois, so that you can 'catch up' and 'hang out'. They may be much more willing to meet you half way in another city that you can both explore and enjoy while reconnecting.
When you live within hours of a dozen different countries, cultures, and vibrant capital cities (as we do in Europe) flying 14 hours to spend a week in a small town or medium sized city in the US won't be very appealing. So remember that as you suggest itineraries for a rendezvous.
Finally, when you have a discussion with your expat friends about a subject (political, economic, social, or otherwise) that exists in the real world, do not note that it can be correlated to something that occurs on a fictional American television show. My expat friends and I have heard this kind of comment made from numerous American friends, and we find it disturbing.
I hope this helps you understand changes that you may witness in your expat friends. Friendship is valuable. Time and distance can be enemies or friends, depending upon how you address them.
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