Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town
Well friends, here we are at the first Group 1 of the 2024-25 season, the Winx Stakes at Randwick, this one with a tinge of sadness as we race in the knowledge that we lost one of the few horses that even Winx could hold a candle to, as Black Caviar died a day short of her 18th birthday from complications of hoof laminitis while delivering her last foal, who sadly didn't make it.
A tragic loss of an all-time great, and of all the great horses to ever race in Australia, Black Caviar has that one beautiful thing that Phar Lap, Bernborough, Ajax, Tulloch, Kingston Town, Winx, Makybe Diva and company don't have, and that's the invincible 25 wins out of 25, plus the win at Royal Ascot when she suffered torn muscles and left Luke Nolen to flirt with disaster, and she's just about the only horse I've ever seen run a sub-10 second sectional, achieved in the 2012 Lightning Stakes when she ran 9.98s between 600m and the 400m as part of a time of 55.53s, a mere fraction outside of Special's 1988 track record of 55.5s (When times were done in tenths rather than hundredths), which was bettered by Black Caviar herself in the 2013 race (55.42), a mark that will take an all-time great performance to topple.
And that 9.98 second sectional was a week after winning the CF Orr Stakes at the Caulfield 1400m, in which she dry licked Caulfield Cup winner Southern Speed.... No horse in the span of 5 years had won a race after dropping back from 1400m to the 1000m in the space of 7 days, and Black Caviar made it look like nothing.
It should also tell you the quality of horse that Black Caviar tormented that Hay List won 3 Group 1s, one of them a weight-carrying record in the 2012 Newmarket Handicap, Star Witness, Melito and All Silent were all multiple Group 1 winners, and Buffering went on to win 5 Group 1s including the Al Quoz Sprint in Dubai.
Still, it does annoy me to see people use the death of a deadset legend to attack the breeding industry, as if Black Caviar of all horses wasn't treated like a goddamn queen and had access to the best veterinarian care in the Thoroughbred capital of Australia.
Still, arguing with people who loathe horse racing is like attempting to convince vegetarians to indulge in veal.
This all does remind me that somehow and someway, Makybe Diva is still with us at 25 years of age.
Maybe it's because her progeny were shit and she stopped breeding.
So all that said, the other noteworthy races for Saturday include the Silver Shadow Stakes for the fillies, a race Kenny Callander will be glad to see the back of, plus a couple of other Group races at Randwick, the Carlyon Stakes at Moonee Valley, the Idyllic Prince Stakes at Belmont, the Leon Macdonald Stakes at Morphetville, the Cairns Cup in North Queensland...
And the Broome Cup, held at one of the more picturesque racecourses in the western world:
To be honest, you may as well fly up to Broome, hop in the car, and keep driving to Kununurra..... and then drive into the Northern Territory.
So it's on to Crazy Craig, and after a few weeks' rest, our resident lunatic is READY TO RUMBLE, complete with GOOD LUCK CHARM in hand!
P(r)ick No.1: Dom (No.1, Barrier 4) in Race 3 at Moonee Valley (MR3), 12:20pm AEST
1523m AirItalia Handicap
Trainers: Ben, Will & JD Hayes, Jockey: Daniel Stackhouse, 60kg
Hello hello everybody, it's Craaaaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, back again at full strength after hibernating for a couple of weeks, and with the Spring Carnival knocking on the door, it's time to KICK DOWN THE DOOR and leave the Spring Carnival twitching in violent pain!
Speaking of violent pain, you should've seen what happened to Daniel Stackhouse at Sandown.... he copped a Liverpool Kiss from his own horse Athanatos before Race 1, lost his front set of fangs, and right as he was about to ride the bloody nag in Race 1, he got stood down from riding at the barriers by the medical staff!
Anyway, speaking of Daniel Stackhouse, he's on board with a new set of chompers for my first Pick of the Day at the old Death Valley, DOM, a horse from Lindsay Park in his third start after being beaten second up, named after a deadset hero of Australian sport, a bloke who denied Collingwood a certain premiership with the greatest kick at goal in a Grand Final since Jason Akermanis against the same opposition in 2002...
DOM SHEED.
As for Trunk, is he named after an elephant?
Probably.
Do I really care?
No.
The Dolly Parton P(r)ick: Joliestar (No.8, Barrier 11) in Race 7 at Randwick (SR7), 3:15pm AEST
1200m Group 3 Show County Quality
Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 54kg
The return of the Thousand Guineas winner, and on a warpath towards The Everest...
But first, here's Dolly Parton!
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolieeeeestar
I'm begging of you, please, don't take my man
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolieeeeestar
Please, don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming hocks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Joliestar
P(r)ick No.3: Westriver Miracle (No.12, Barrier 4) E/W in Race 9 at Belmont (MR9), 5:05pm AWST (7:05)
1600m 72+ Rating Handicap
Trainers: Daniel & Ben Pearce, Jockey: Chris Parnham, 55kg
A bit of a throw at the stumps here, but two starts back Westriver Miracle was only beaten a head by Sensessional, who as it stands will jump a pretty clear favourite, but this time around Westriver Miracle has dropped from 59.5kg to 55kg, while Sensessional will carry 57.5kg, a fair old swing of 4.5kg in a handicap race!
He went back to 1400m last start which was a deadset mistake, but he's back at the 1600m on Saturday and can run a superb race if good enough on the day, especially against Sensessional, a word that'd give you a pimple on your tongue if you said it too many times in succession....
Sensessional
Sensessional
Sensessional!
And now, I better call upon Mike + The Mechanicals, because there's only one thing that myself and yourselves will need on Saturday evening...
All I Need Is A WESTRIVER MIRACLE.
All I neeeeeed is YOU.
Winx Stakes P(r)ick: Almost certainly something trained by Chris Waller... I dunno, Zougotcha?
Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I'm Crazy Craig, and that's why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!
Listen to the audio - 2:27
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