From true events to stand-up comedy joke to feature film, the story of The Machine is synonymous with the life and career of comedian Bert Kreischer. Set 20 years after Bert's drunken adventures on a college trip through Russia, Bert and his dad are kidnapped by those he wronged and forced to recover what he stole.
Bert's titular stand-up comedy bit will go down as one of the greatest of all time. The comedic timing is perfect and the story is so crazy that it's not a surprise it's spawned an entire feature film. Unfortunately, this movie won't be sitting on that same pedestal within the action comedy genre, but it's a fine attempt at turning a 14-minute bit into a feature-length movie. The best way to describe The Machine is that it's a B-movie with the sensibilities of a big-budget action flick. It could have been better had they leant into it being more of a silly low-budget B-movie, but it's very competent in what it sets out to achieve nonetheless.
The narrative leans into the craziness of the concept and sends audiences on a chaotic ride through a foreign country where crime-related hijinks ensue. It's a simple, barebones story that disappointingly doesn't really do much to make itself stand out. It focuses on the events of Bert's first visit to Russia alongside his current visit, jumping back and forth in time as the story progresses. As much as I was going into this film see the events of the past play out, I found myself having more fun with the present day content. It could be that the past wasn't shown in one unbroken sequence, but I feel like it had to do with the lack of Bert in those scenes. Don't get me wrong, Jimmy Tatro is a good actor, but it's the presence of real-life Bert that gives this film the energy it needs to thrive. Hence the modern day stuff is just that little bit more funny and engaging.
Despite doing a fine job in turning this story into a feature film, it's perhaps a little too long. It sits at 1 hour and 52 minutes, and honestly it could have and should have been tightened up to a solid 90 minutes. A lot of time is dedicated to the father-son/father-daughter emotional arc, and it's not all that valuable in the grand scheme of things. The whole 'parenting' angle is in the film from the beginning, but some of it could have been stripped back to help the film maintain a quick pace. These sequences constantly slow the film down, meaning the action is never able to thrive.
Speaking of the action, they actually put a solid level of effort into making the action sequences feel as real as possible. It's by no means amazing action on the level of John Wick, but it's all well shot and competently put together. Bert Kreischer is not the type of guy you'd expect to pose any threat to the Russian mafia, but he sells his capacity to kick ass a lot better than expected. Despite the action being well executed, there's not a whole lot of it outside of the last 30 minutes or so - and that definitely contributes to the slow (and at-times painfully slow) pace. Surprisingly, there's more blood and gore than expected. It doesn't really need to be there, but it makes a handful of scenes more impactful.
Performance-wise, this entire film is riding on the back of Bert Kreischer's unique energy and comedic prowess. He basically (and literally) plays himself, and he's great in every moment. He's the reason the modern story works better than the flashback narrative - whenever he's not on screen, his absence is very obvious. Alongside Bert, Mark Hamill plays his dad and is solid in the role. He's clearly having lots of fun in bringing the character to life and also injects plenty of energy where it's needed. Once again, I don't have anything against Jimmy Tatro's performance - I think he's fine - he just doesn't bring the same energy that Kreischer effortlessly brings.
In the end, The Machine is an okay action comedy that doesn't capitalise entirely on the greatness that is the original comedy bit. The pace is too slow to be exciting and the lack of Bert in the flashback sequences is felt from the get-go. That being said, the action through the latter half offers plenty of dumb fun, while Bert Kreischer's infectious energy is on full display throughout. There's potential for this movie to be better had it stuck to being a cheesier B-movie, but I admire the ambition to be bigger.
5/10
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