Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who starts to show signs of clairvoyance. Forced to confront revelations about her past, she must protect three young women from a mysterious adversary who wants them dead.
Madame Web is directed by S.J. Clarkson which is her directorial debut. Madame Web is also the fourth film in Sony's Spider-Man Universe.
I'm going to cut right to the chase, Madame Web is a terrible movie. Every single part of what could go horribly wrong in a movie goes horribly wrong to the point where it becomes such a fascinating mess that is truly unbelievable. It's as if one of those terrible superhero movies from the early 2000s found a time machine and landed in 2024.
I'll start with what becomes noticeable almost immediately when watching…the acting. Granted Sydney Sweeney actually nails down some of the lines in a campy way that's genuinely hilarious, but everyone else is either half asleep while reading their lines or wants to collect their paycheck and call it a day.
Dakota Johnson who has shown to be quite talented in a lot of roles such as Peanut Butter Falcon (2019), Our Friend (2019), The Lost Daughter (2021), Suspiria (2018) and a few others gives such a dull performance, which is mainly due to how lazy the script from S.J. Clarkson, Claire Parker, Burk Sharpless and Matt Sazama really is. There's absolutely baffling lines such as Madame Web directly saying to Young Uncle Ben "what you don't wanna get shot in Queens."
We learn absolutely nothing about Cassandra or any of the three spider-women which consists of Julia Cornwell (played by Sydney Sweeney) Anya Corazon (played by Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (played by Celeste O'Connor) they also barely get to do any fun spider-woman actions, instead we are given a prequel on how they get their powers rather than spending time with them learning to use them. Then you have the villain of the movie Ezekiel Sims who's played by Tahar Rahim, who not only gives a terrible performance but Sims ends up being one of the most forgettable villains in any of these superhero movies. It's actually quite baffling how terrible the dialogue between Johnson and Rahim really is, how nobody in the writing room said "wait hold on a second" when reading this is insane.
The editing is some of the absolute worst I've seen in a blockbuster in quite awhile, I commonly like to mention Taken 3 (2014) as a prime example of garbage editing that ends up being unhinged at one point. Madame Web is on par with Taken 3 on how absolutely baffling the editing really is, it becomes hilarious at one point which is something I have to mention. Madame Web is one of those it's so bad it's hilarious movies (kind of) I say kind of because there are some quite dull parts that are a chore to sit through (mostly the middle that drags out for far too long) but a lot of this movie is hilariously awful. I was actually baffled with what I watched and honestly had no words.
Overall Madame Web is something that has to be seen to be believed, it's a horrendous movie and I would not recommend this to anybody. However if you love bad movies and love laughing at them this might honestly be for you.
Madame Web is available in theaters.
1/10 F
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